3 am and all is gay (happy, you homophobe)

i awoke this afternoon, still drunk and reeking of whiskey, trying to piece together the weirdness that was last night. my intention never is and never was to get falling down drunk. but that is just what i did. walking my bike home (i'm assuming i was too drunk to ride it), i was stumbling, literally falling down just a block from my house. i found it quite entertaining and was laughing my ass off when i heard an, "are you o.k.?" looking up i found my estranged neighbor dude with some other dude. the next thing i know, we're at my house drinking wine (a fine barbera d'alba-- i know i shouldn't drink good wine when i'm already wasted, but it was either that, whiskey or vinegar). there is something about my language skills that when i get drunk i prefer to speak in spanish. not that my spanish is good or anything, it just seems more wield-ly than my english. it's a good thing my neighbors friend is from mexico, he could understand me. i was really trying to figure out why i was feeling so uncomfortable when it hit me. my neighbor and his dashing mexican friend were feeling me out (figuratively) to see if i wanted to engage in a threesome with them. the epiphany i had was the on the order of magnitude of a james joyce story. i thought my neighbor was a little strange because he was a physicist. now it all comes together (again, figuratively). after blaming the decline of philosophy on nick bostrom and his shitty editors, i threw a book across the room resulting in almost everything in my house to come falling down (myself inculded). i think they realized i had a few screws loose and was most likely dripping with STDs. they left. all i know is i'm really glad i didn't wake up with two dudes in my bed. i don't know if i could handle that kind of confusion with the massive hangover i'm nursing.